araneous: transparent; delicate; like a spider's web

Sometimes I feel araneous. 

At times I am transparent.  If you knew me you would be able to see right through my words, my actions, my silences, my inactions.  Perhaps even those who don't know me can read my body language and pull out what's really behind every twist or turn, every flick of my hair, every smile or sigh.

I am also delicate.  I'm an emotional hurricane destroying everything in my path.  I'm a tiny timid turtle hiding in my shell, away from everyone, away from everything, away from the world.  I'm a weeping willow, my limbs drooping and sagging matching my mood.  My heart is fragile.  My feelings are easily trampled.  My hopes are easily dashed when attacked.  Despite my strong front, my attempt to hide my vulnerability, I'm but a humble wafer cookie, easily crumbled when prodded too roughly.

I am like a spider's web, transparent and delicate, convulted, intricately woven.  But I am human, and perhaps I am foolish to believe such a thing but, I believe all humans are delicate, all humans are complex, and all humans are capable of being transparent.  Therefore, I believe all humans are araneous.

arduous: requiring great physical or mental effort; difficult to accomplish; strenuous;hard to endure; harsh;hard to overcome or surmount; steep or difficult

When I think of arduous tasks, I never really think of something that I enjoy doing as being arduous.  However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that my greatest passion, which I've only recently begun pouring my whole self into, is quite arduous.  But perhaps this is a good thing.

Good things in life are worth working hard for and maybe I wouldn't feel quite so gratified if I hadn't had to spend countless hours straining my eyes staring at a computer screen, numbing my fingers pounding endlessly on the keyboard, and frying my brain trying to catch that one word I've been trying to think of that has eluded me effortlessly. 

If things came too easily I'm sure I'd either sit there staring in disbelief, or end up convincing myself that I don't deserve it since I didn't put enough work in.  So, although at the time an arduous task may not be an enjoyable one, at the end of the day I'd like to think it was at least worthwhile.

prolix: marked by or using an excess of words; unduly prolonged or drawn out; too long

I myself have been guilty of being prolix at times.  Perhaps anyone who isn't a mute has had a moment of prolixity.  At least, for the most part, I am aware of my prolix moments, and knowing I have so many words I need to or want to expel in order to explain myself or tell a story, I always find myself speeding up.  The longer my speech, the quicker I speak.

If I take a deeper look into the meaning of prolix though, I wonder if giving a simple explanation, even though it may require a plethora of words, I wonder if it is truly verbose.  If I explain something without an excess of words, despite the fact that I may go on for five minutes, is it unduly prolonged? 

But then if we look at it from the view of anything that is too long, then anything could be considered prolix, depending on many different points of view.  At some point, anyone could find anyone extremely or even minutely prolix. 

 But alas, looking back at this posting, I think I may have just been a bit prolix.