After just over seven months of nights filled with broken sleep, days filled with endless activity, and little rest between the two, I am feeling extremely torpid. When one is lost in a mode of sluggishness with no option to relax, where is one supposed to pull their liveliness from? There must be some sort of untapped stores of energy within us that we can call upon when there is nothing left, when we are running on fumes.
I'm sure we've all been there.... when we've been up all night, haven't slept for days, been working non-stop, and we feel like there is no possible way we will be able to carry on about our day, let alone even move our legs those few extra steps so we can plunk down on that nice squishy chesterfield. But somehow, from somewhere within us, we find a boost in our verve. And for a few moments we feel like we have enough stamina to not only make it through the next few minutes, but to carry on into the evening and forget about our little rest on the couch completely. So where does this indefatigability come from? I'm sure if I really delve into the scientific answer I will find something about dopamine and serotonin levels, but nonetheless it amazes me that the body is capable of pushing itself to such limits. Why? It isn't necessary for survival, it's purely based on one's personal will.
However, despite my desire to enthusiastically go about my day, it is with great torpidity that I pull my tired butt out of bed and begin my morning routine. Sometimes it seems that no matter how many different ways I try to snap myself out of this zombie-like trance, I just can't seem to shake the lethargy that consumes me. I am waiting for that oomph to hit me, throw some added zeal into my day and make me forget my exhaustion altogether. But the more I focus on finding that extra bounce that I can stitch into my step, the more elusive it becomes. Then, just when I feel like I'm going to break down into tears from the pure lassitude that devours me, when I am no longer looking for what it was I've been searching for, I suddenly find myself with the vivacity to go on about my day. Ironically, it just takes getting my mind off of that which I seek in order to find it.